I apologize for not posting in quite awhile. Work has had me so busy! For those that follow me on Instagram, I transitioned to concentrate mostly on nutrition / being a future RD, rather than recovery. However, I still want to keep some recovery in my blog.
About a month ago, I came home from a 10-day trip to Italy with my family (mom, dad, 2 sisters, brother in law, and my boyfriend). To say it was amazing is just honestly an understatement. I actually decided to start writing tonight because I am missing it so much. The last time I was in Europe, I was completely overwhelmed by eda. I was most nearly my sickest during that summer. I will never forget walking past the bakeries every single day, mouth-watering, telling myself I didn’t need any of it. I was miserable, but I had no idea.
Coming back to Europe, I was scared. We were all worried. The very first night, I ordered pasta. I will never forget the happiness I felt when my family was elated and told me how proud of me they were. Throughout those 10 days, I ordered multiple pasta dishes and pizzas, always prequeled by lots of delicious bread, and dinner was ended with gelato. I was so happy because I ordered what I wanted.
The hard day came in Positano when pictures were taken in bathing suits. I started going through them and immediately felt anxious. I saw the bloat from all the wine, pasta, etc, and I didn’t like it. Or maybe eda didn’t. Ali Gray was SO happy, yes I felt a little full from it all, but it was just amazing, I couldn’t say no. I also am so grateful for my sisters, brother in law, and boyfriend for making me feel normal getting pizza and pasta and all the Italian delicacies at basically every meal. Which made me realize, that is what NORMAL people do, order what they want!!
Being back home was difficult, I knew I had gained weight, and I did. I feel so self-conscious right now. I hate my body. But then I also hated my body 5-10 pounds lighter. So will I always have this hatefulness towards my body? I am wondering now. Will I be happy if I lose 10 pounds? I wasn’t happy with my body 10 lbs ago, so I kind of think no.
I will never be 100% happy with my body, but one thing I know, I would rather enjoy life and food and wine than making myself miserable by limiting myself. Italy taught me so much, and I miss it every day. The European way of life always sweeps my heart away. I will never forget the incredible trip, and I am forever grateful for the people that helped me to be able to enjoy it.