Recovery means

As NEDA week is coming to a close, I am so thrilled with the posts, news, etc. highlighting the importance of eating disorder awareness. I feel like FINALLY people are starting to understand that EDs are serious, deadly diseases. When I first began recovery, I truly did not think I could do it. My mind was so confused. Trying to beat out that voice I had always listened to. Do I eat or not eat? Exercise or not? I was supposed to do the opposite of what I was used to doing. I was supposed to do the opposite of what eda told me to do. 

Well 2 1/2 years later, here I am. To be honest, I think eda will always have a small voice in my head, but I know how to handle it now. But I wanted to highlight what recovery means to me. 

Recovery is smiles, real smiles. Recovery is joy, not just occasionally being happy, but truly a state of being. Recovery means pizza after Clemson game wins. Recovery means using butter and sugar when I bake. Recovery means going to a yoga class to relax, not be miserable in a Bikram class. Recovery means amazing relationships with my family, friends, and boyfriend. Recovery means carbs if I want them. Recovery means eating a cheese board before dinner. Recovery means eating at a tailgate and not avoiding food at all costs. Recovery means my stomach not always growling. Recovery means my heart not fluttering/skipping beats in my chest. Recovery means not being breathless after climbing stairs. Recovery means more selflessness. 

I could go on forever truly. I will be honest I miss being “skinny” sometimes, but I know that it would never ever ever be worth it to go back there. I was a miserable human being. I know recovery is worth it. 🙂