Anyone who knows me knows that I have dessert every single night. I love to bake so it is usually some sort of baked good with ice cream on top (PS Halo Top is the bomb)! This was even the case when eda was in my life. It was the one thing that I truly think saved my life. I would eat literally nothing all day except a protein bar and exercise 2+ hours, but I always had my dessert. It has always been ‘my time’ with my dessert in bed watching TV.
A couple months ago, I decided to try to avoid desserts because I felt like I was not eating as much during the day because I was ‘saving up’ for dessert that night. It was really hard and I missed my dessert so much. Finally while on spring break, my sister basically said cut it out, that is eda talking. And you know what? She was so right. My ice cream time is my time and usually one of my favorite parts of my day.
Another love of mine is wine. This past year, school isn’t super stressful and time consuming, unlike undergrad. In addition as most of you know, I have been extremely lonely in Charlotte with few girlfriends. So honestly, wine has become a major relaxation mechanism for me. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not chugging wine every night, but I enjoy a couple glasses. Well eda has been telling me that the wine every night is definitely hindering me from my ‘best body.’
So do I give up my dessert and wine so that I maybe feel a little better about my body? Hell no. I don’t listen to her. I would rather be happy and enjoying my life than miserable to maybe lose a few pounds. I have sometimes been ashamed of my addiction to dessert and wine, but I take care of my body. I eat healthy and there is nothing wrong with either of those things in moderation.
I feel like I sometimes try so hard to be something I am just not. I became obsessed with podcasts during recovery by listening to eating disorder recovery podcasts (Recovery Warriors mainly). I enjoy listening to them still, and not just recovery ones. My sister suggested ‘Straight up with Stassi’ with Stassi Schroder, a Bravo reality star. Now before you tell me it is trash, she made me realize something. She NEVER tries to pretend she is something she is not. That girl talks about her love of wine and doesn’t fake it. And I am not that one glass and drunk girl. More like a bottle, but I shouldn’t be ashamed. I LOVE to bake and I am obsessed with ice cream. Guess what? That is me, I am not the girl who “only needs a bite of dessert to be happy.” I cannot apologize for who I am and no one should. I cannot let eda tell me that I could be happier losing a few pounds rather than enjoying life. I choose enjoying life every damn time. I am Ali Gray, NOT eda.
Get the title?! 😉